My Secret
by niley4eva2012
Summary: I have a secret that I am going to tell the world through here. My name is Miley Stewart and I fell in love with Lilly Truscott.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

August 18, 2014

I have a secret that I'm about to share with the world. My name is Miley Stewart and I don't know what I am. All my life I was raised to like men. My family has one gay uncle, but it comes from my dad's side of the family and it is hard I think for my own father to take in the fact that his brother is gay. My parents have been married for twenty six years and still going strong. I have no siblings and was raised in the faith of being a United Methodist. I grew up in many places, of which were Montana, Washington, Kansas, hell even Idaho. Most of my childhood we moved from place to place finally settling down in Idaho by the time I turned 10 years old.

As for knowing who I am? Well I've dated three guys, slept with two of them, and only one of them had become a boyfriend. I was hurt in different ways by at least 20 guys growing up and I was just sick of it all. I'm now a junior in college and my fear is that if I allow my secret to be known to the world I would be looked at completely differently then the average American. You see my secret only few few people know about. And they are the three of my best friends. Also my parents, but they only know that I'm interested and curious about other woman. I never told them I was bi or gay, I don't even know that myself. Alls I know I have fallen for at least 4 woman in my life and I'm quickly falling for a fifth right now as we speak. She is the reason I'm going to tell my story.

I met her through my church through the bell choir, yes I play handbells in my church, and she came last year as a freshman and I was a sophomore. At the time I was with my first boyfriend and so didn't think anything of it, but time passed and it came to festival and so we had to drive all the way back to Idaho Falls from Missoula. (Oh btw I attend the University of Montana in Missoula, MT if you people were wondering.) So on the trip down I rode with the handbell director and this girl. This girl is what started these thoughts. Her name is Lilly Truscott and man she was a real pretty girl. She grew up mostly in Springfield, Missouri. And then by high school she had transferred with her family to Lewiston, MT and that's how she attend the University of Montana with me. Whereas I was a music major going into organ performance (yeah call me a weirdo) she is a theater major and wanting to become an actress even though she mostly just likes to write and be a director eventually.

Anyways we sat next to each other (on opposite sides of the car) and by this point of the festival I had just recently split with my only boyfriend, I had realized that I only loved Jake as a brother, nothing more. But anyways traveling down wasn't the awkward part for me. Not even traveling back was awkward either. It was just a few moments in the hotel room that got me to think more. She didn't sleep in the same bed as me but we had a whole room to ourselves. I took one bed and she grabbed the other. One night we stayed up late just talking to Siri on my phone trying to get her to say funny expressions and what not. We stayed up till like 1-2 am just giggling our heads off. It was the next night that I had the first thoughts about her.

We had just finished doing our rehearsals all day at the bell choir festival and we were now in a different motel room with the other members of the bell choir and we were playing a pictionary type of game and Lilly was sitting next to me and she wasn't exactly trying to stay off of me or away from me. It seemed like she was trying to sit close to me. At the time I didn't mind I enjoyed the company for she was the closets to my age and the next oldest was married and probably around 26ish. At the time I was still 19. As we played that game that night I kept aware of how she subtle touched me had her leg brush mine as she stood up to grab more food or what not. It was a weird feeling I fit in the pit of my stomach that I hadn't felt for a very long time. Not since when "Semester happened" in high school dealing with my teacher that I liked. But that's for another time. As we walked back to our room later that night I felt awesome we talked till the wee hours of the night again and at the time I figured it would just be a phase that would pass. The year was coming to a close and I would not see her again till the new school year.

But that night did affect me and strange enough she had actually turned me on that night as I let thoughts creep into my head. Of course I could do nothing about it because she was in the same room, but I still wanted too. I wanted to kiss her I wanted to feel her. I wanted Lilly Truscott.


	2. Chapter 2: 1st Day Back

August 25, 2014

I just finished a week of marching band camp. It's something that I absolutely LOVE to do. My music is my soul and I love playing for it. If you did not know I'm an organ performance major. Yes my dad is a guitar player and in a way became a star in our church, I wasn't the performing type. I loved playing for my church and that was about it. But today became the first day of school I was taking multiple classes and I was excited to start a new year. I'm a junior now so the freshman I could put right into place. During band camp I started liking this kid in a different section. He was really nice and his name was Nick Jonas, but him and I unfortunately were just going to be good friends. I liked him, but as he was two years younger as well as a Music Education major, his life and schedule were going to be so busy that there was no way he could possible have a girlfriend. What was the weirdest part is he knew my family on my mom's side because he grew up in the same city she grew up in in Chinook, MT. It was kinda freaky he knew my family but didn't know me.

What was amazing was the fact that he could play piano better than I could as well as he played the organ too which was pretty sweet in itself. Anyways I had developed this crush on him. I also had a friend through the internet through a dating website I had met through the previous spring, her name is Demi Lovato and she was an amazing beautiful girl who I think she actually loved me and yet to this day I still don't have her real phone number or any way to contact her other than when it was at night and on the dating website. She claimed she was going to come and see me for spring break this next year but we will see. You see she lives in Phoenix, AZ. That's over half the US away from here so a very far distance, I actually liked her. She was beautiful with her hair and body, I couldn't help but these past few weeks dream of her sometimes and show her my privates because I wanted her to see. She even allowed me to see what her breasts looked like and unlike any guy I had been with, that specific thing had turned me on the most.

I couldn't mostly wait to get back to my church family here in Missoula, see we had just recently moved back home (again). This time my parents were moving closer to me so close that instead of a 7 1/2 hr drive away from Missoula, it was going to be a 2 1/2 drive away! It was going to be so nice, granted I would and will miss my family that I had created back home in that church but I'm just glad I could come back here to Missoula and be somewhat filled in my heart with the family I had made in the church here. I couldn't also wait until choir and bell choir would start the next week. It was going to be so exciting! I missed being in a choir and a bell choir, I missed attending a service and not having to play. Yes the reason for this was because I had the job back home the last summer I would spend in Caldwell playing at the church there for some nice income of money. And choir starts this next week and bell choir the next Wednesday. And I would see Lilly again that Wednesday, I know of it because I'm pretty sure she loved bell choir enough to come back, strange enough I had missed her. And I didn't know whether or not that was a good or a bad sign, I soon was going to find out.

I hadn't even thought about Lilly once until I started thinking about bell choir. I mean all summer I mostly was either doing my job or packing. Or hanging out with friends. I even dated a guy this summer and he just turned out to be just another asshole. He "claimed" he was in love with me and wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and yet when he made the moves on me like for instance kissing he blamed me I was pushing him too fast and saying it was my fault. Pissed the fuck of me and my best friend down there Selena Gomez. Pissed her off enough to to derail on him. I'm just glad I was able to quickly get over him because he was just a big douche who had actually gone to jail for crimes he "claimed" he did not commit. I couldn't believe I believed him when he said he didn't do those things and I prayed for him really hard, because for almost two weeks he was put back into a jail for another "crime" and so I prayed the hardest I ever had in my whole life for that son of a bitch. And then when he got his new job that had him working from like 6am-8pm he wouldn't even contact me after his job. He claimed later, "It's because I was tired." Yeah asshole say that in one text then crash and fall asleep. To me communication was key to a successful relationship. Well he had promised to call me every morning before he went off to work, yeah that never happened. He lied about that and many other things. He was just a person I regretted ever dating, shoulda just stayed just friends with him. I've learned my lesson. If you want to be with me, you prove it first through becoming friends. Granted with Nick here, that's a different story because I actually like him now it's just a different story when somebody claims they love you to death and will never leave compared to someone who actually is being honest and truthful and wants to be just friends initially.

But summer was over and he was probably only ever going to be a fling, he really wasn't all that attractive, I mean yes he had abs and stuff and we cuddled alot I'm just glad I didn't have sex with him. That I was proud of, but honestly abs truthfully don't actually appeal to me really. I mean Nick can you say is not exactly skinny material, he's on the bigger side, but that's where I don't care, I care more about personality than anything else. I guess I'll go into more detail with each person I guess people can say I have a "crush" on. Now Nick is amazing, he is like a best friend even if he doesn't know my darkest secret yet and that is the fact that I am attracted to girls. But he is my piano/organ duet partner, we plan to put on many performances for my church and he's willing to do so. We have practiced together and it has been great this last week with marching band and being able to see him every single day. He was also like the male version of me, he had his life planned out as did I and he knew what he wanted. We had similar interests and basically had the same mindset when it came to the topic of relationships. In fact he even knew I liked him, and he didn't shut me out or shun me away, on the contrary we are still really good friends and this next week we plan on having a movie day as we watch Harry Potter as because he's only ever seen the first movie. So life was great with him. The downsides to him was basically I didn't know if he just liked me as friends, if eventually one of these days he will shut me out and shut me down in the most hurtful way possible, so I like him alot but i was really scared to like him. It is a mix-mix situation. And the times where he didn't talk with me I felt hopeless and depressed because it is hard to like him and I just have to sit here and be the good girl and only be his friend. Now this is where Demi comes into play.

Now Demi I had met last year on my lowest point I had been on for awhile since my teacher in high school. And that is, I had just recently pretty much broken up with my boyfriend and I started wondering, what if I do like girls? What if I'm attracted to them just like men and I could learn to love a female just as much as I loved a male. I wasn't against gays at all for my uncle was gay and he had been previously married for almost 30 years before he came out of the closet and divorced his wife after having three children all grow up and move out. Now I think if my uncle was gay there must be some of those genes in me as well. I'm not sure if it's hereditary but I consider bi's, gay's, lesbian's, straights, and heterosexuals all in the same category. If you love someone you love someone it doesn't matter whether they are male or female, if you love someone you just do, it happens. So I'm completely for gay rights. I have been since high school..So anyways on my lowest point I decided to try the same dating website I had used with men which I was completely sick of and create a new profile only this time I was going to put that I was bi, so therefore it is open to the idea of females. And soon enough digging through ever female within my age limit I wanted I found Demi, she lived in Phoenix, AZ. And I remember the first time I talked with her she basically was like why me? And I said, idk, I just feel a connection with you. And man I am so jealous at how beautiful she is. And she is completely lesbian, she doesn't want any part to do with males. She completely is a lesbian and I don't care about that. I care for the fact that I get to talk to her every night and she knows of my dilema that I have and knows that I'm still trying to decide whether or not I should start liking women more than men or not. She still to this day has not pushed me for pics or pushed for a phone number or anything wrong. She basically is waiting for me and that's a first that anybody has ever done for me. And I think I was falling for her, but her downside was the fact that she lives in Phoenix, AZ. She also is going to school down there and I don't know when I can meet her see her. What if I didn't like her when I met her. As she hasn't given me her phone number I still don't know what she even sounds like. Looks like I'm just waiting for her as well in a different way than Nick.

I like both Nick and Demi, it'll just be hard when one or the other really wants to be with me. I just hope it wouldn't be at the same time. I like them both alot equally and it scares me, because I'm not the type of person to hurt anyone. That's the last thing I would want to do is hurt someone, so when the time came for a choice, I'd really have to make sure it's what I would really want. And not ever look back on it. And the last person is the one I just met last year, Lilly Truscott, I mean I just MET her and yet I already was attracted to her. And I was honestly super excited to see her again for another school year, granted it would only be for bell choir one day a week, and we might even stand next to each other. I believe she prefers base bells as do I and the fact I couldn't do the base bells last year because my ex was in the base part, this was going to be extremely fun and definitely exciting. I couldn't wait! But moving back to the campus I realized that I was taking so many classes it was really crazy. I was even was taking German that was required for my major as well as all my music classes. It was going to be a super fun year and I couldn't wait to get started. Today was the day of school starting so I better go and get ready for my first class at noon today which indeed was German!


End file.
